To quote a famous person "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result". Is it really worth our mental capacity to try and change things? It is survival mode.
So, things are quite uncertain again, I might be out of a job as soon as 3 weeks later or a month, or maybe more. It seems like trying to find a definite answer is quite hard too. In a way, I am kind of looking forward to the end. Sure, I'll have to worry about finding another job and continuing my quest to become a Permanent Resident in Canada (it seems like this is a hard an long process) but to be honest, this job has really taken a toll on both my physical and mental capacity. It is getting harder and harder for me to wake up that Tuesday morning and flying onto site, leaving my other life on pause, while I work.
The last couple months, I have found myself to get cranky and annoyed a lot easier. My patience, which was once as great as that of the Great wall of China, has now really weathered to the strength of a thin string. So, I am really looking forward to go back to Edmonton, to rest, to re-focus and to re-discover the old me. I really dislike how I am the last year and a half.
It is time to go back to the very beginning of time, where I was a happy go lucky person, who doesn't think too much and just enjoy life. I need to believe again.
A part of me says this, do I need that permanent resident? Can't I just go travel Europe and work as I need be. Leave everything behind and just go and travel and backpack. That life is kind of appealing as well.
All in all, I have a lot to think about. What do I want to do in the New Year. Where I can go. Is Canada really the place I want to be in. The world is so big, there are so many opportunity.
I will let you know what I end up deciding.
posted by bcaiwong @ 8:00 p.m.
2 Comments:
delet or hide this comment as u wish~and me no good at writing as u are haha so ...haha
From ur "twin"'s point of view. I saw a person that's lost for the past year and a half. you realize that, and you don't like that. acknowledgment is the first step to change. I applaud your honesty with yourself. Some people can't do that. But you did it.
It's okay to feel undecided...i always like to see that "phase" as a door step to climb over before you get to the next stage of your life. It's easier said than done, but you know, have faith that things will come together..It is really cheesy...put it this way. If "Mike 2 years ago" were reading this blog. what would he have said to you? From what I know about the Mike before, he would probably tell you to do what makes you happy and have fun. He'll believe that things will fall into place. He will tell you to let it go and do somethign that you enjoy and would make you smile~ What makes you smile? (not under the influence of other substances!!haha!) You know how I am happy when I am with my friends. I am happy when I bake and cook. What does the "happy mike" like to do?
Situations bring out different sides in us. Stress bring out the side of us that we don't like very much. Instead of thinking how to de-stress...maybe see it as...what would the stress free mike do? Yes i have told you this before....
We all go through phases where we're overwhelmed, frustrated and weary all at the same time. Remember that there's an end to everything. The important part is knowing getting through it...and Mike, you have everything going for you to get through this. You're natural happy optimistic personality, your friends, your family (as much as you don't believe so...). Just take this as a really crabby bumpy part of the roller coaster ride~ who cares if you get motion sick and through up~ you end up throughing up on someone else and you're fine! hahahaha!
p.s. i made shepherd's pie tonite and i am baking orange poppyseed loafs.........
celebrate what's in the past and be excited for what's to come.
It's the work life. Simply put, I started getting sick of various aspects of my job. My ex-boss said once you stop learning on the job, it's time to get a new one.
I think a job will always be a job: something we do because we have to. I know there are "ideal" jobs and then there are ordinary jobs to hold us over. What might help is start to establish some targets and goals for yourself. As long as you have some goals, it should mentally help you get through a "job". I don't mean goals like finishing video games or what not, but goals that will take a while to achieve and show something for it.
Try to push that permanent residence through because you've put in the years and paid the taxes. Just give yourself some options. Re-focus, develop some goals and knock them down.
By the way, we didn't watch Transformers the other night... wtf!!!
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